Sinking in the Shadows Read online

  With the unmistakable love in his eyes, she can’t deny him that. “I promise. No more drama.”

  The relief and weight off her shoulders is incredible. She felt so much time stressing and worrying about his reaction and didn’t even allow herself to think of the possibility that there would be a positive outcome. But this right now is more than she could have ever imagined. Maybe things will actually start to go her way after all.

  Before she has a chance to think or process anything that’s happened today his mouth is back down on hers. She moans as he makes his way down her body leaving kisses behind so he can show her again just how sexy he really thinks she is.

  Chapter Eleven

  All day Tinley has been feeling worse than normal. Her nausea has gone from just happening in the evenings to being an all-day event. Not only that, but somehow despite all the throwing up, she has put on a little weight, and it’s all in her face and midsection. She doesn’t look pregnant yet; she just looks like she ate two dozen cupcakes instead without actually having the joy of eating them. At least her boot came off, so she’s not hobbling around anymore on top of everything else.

  As she slams her car door, the epically bad day gets worse as she remembers that she ran out of ginger ale and saltines last night. So, not only does she look and feel like death, she also has to stop at the grocery store before she can go home. The only thing she wants to do right now is crawl into bed and sleep for a week, or at least for the next two days she has off from work.

  With a heavy sigh, she turns her car on and makes a quick mental note of everything she needs to buy. The only thing on her mind is making this a quick trip and getting home and in bed. She pulls on an oversized hoodie and heads into the grocery store. Grabbing a basket, she sets out on a mission to grab the few items she needs so she can be back home as soon as possible. Taking a quick inventory of her items, she’s fully satisfied with the ginger ale, saltines, and frozen fruit juice bars.

  “Maybe if she stopped drinking soda and eating junk food she wouldn’t weight five hundred pounds.”

  “Right? Like, eat a salad or two.”

  Tinley looks around and when she spots the group of teenage girls laughing hysterically, they’re all three looking right at her. In her almost thirty years of life, she has experienced her fair share of body-shaming, but never has it been this blatant before. Her cheeks redden knowing they’re talking about her, and humiliation stops her from speaking up. They’re just a group of mean girls, and she shouldn’t let it get to her. She pushes past them as they continue laughing, and she drops her items on the conveyor belt of the first open register she finds.

  She reaches into her pocket for her debit card and refuses to look the cashier in the face, completely mortified by what he could have overheard.

  “Just ignore them. In ten years they’ll have popped out a handful of kids and be stay-at-home moms who are miserable about their lives while their husbands are off cheating on them. They might look pretty on the outside, but that doesn’t mean anything if they’re ugly on the inside.”

  “Thanks. You’d think it would get easier hearing stuff like that, but it never really does.” Tinley laughs and looks up at the teenage boy standing across the register from her. “You’re incredibly wise for your age, shouldn’t I be the one offering up advice like that? Not the other way around.”

  “That’s not something anybody should get used to. Trust me, when you’re as skinny as I am and all the girls want is a guy with muscles, I get it—doesn’t mean I like to hear it. I’ll show them though. Girls like them will be lining up for a date with me in a few years.”

  “Yeah? What makes you so confident about that?”

  He continues scanning and bagging her items. When he finishes up, he winks at her and says, “Early admission to MIT. I don’t know what it’ll be yet, but I’m going to create something huge then sell it to the highest bidder for a shit ton of money. I’m just biding my time until that day comes. My ten-year reunion is going to be epic.” He glances down at the items in her bag and asks, “Flu?”

  Shaking her head, Tinley simply replies, “Morning sickness.”

  “Good thing that’s not contagious.”

  As she’s paying for groceries, she smiles at the young boy and says, “Thank you,” she glances down at his name tag, “Reeve for that. I’ll look out for you in ten years to see what awesome technological advances you’ve made and if you made that shit ton of money.”

  She leaves the grocery store with her head a little higher than when she went in and feeling more confident about herself. Even though she’s still a little nauseous, all it does is remind her that she’s growing a tiny human inside of her, and that gives her more happiness than those brats in the store can take away from her. That thought boosts her feelings immensely on the drive home.

  When she pushes her way through the front door, she’s pleasantly surprised that Dakota isn’t home yet. Checking her phone, she sees she still has another forty-five minutes before her roommate will arrive. She puts away her groceries, grabs a lime ice pop, and heads into the living room. What she doesn’t expect to find is Dakota’s laptop, open and sitting on the coffee table. She’s been holding it hostage like crazy since she started some secret project almost six months back. Normally Tinley isn’t one to snoop, but she’s way too curious so she hits the space bar on the keyboard and the laptop comes to life.

  She mentally tsks to her best friend—it’s not password protected, and she doesn’t even have to snoop because Dakota left her internet browser open right to the secret project. Her eyes grow bigger and bigger as she scrolls through everything Dakota has been working on. Now that she’s finally uncovered the secret, she’s dying to tell somebody, dying to get it out there. Picking up her cell phone, she sends off a quick text and waits for a response.

  Me: Oh my gosh, I have to tell you something.

  * * *

  Marek: What’s that?

  * * *

  Me: Dakota started an anonymous blog and it’s pretty hilarious.

  * * *

  Marek: Should you be telling me about this? Since it’s anonymous and all?

  Pfft. Tinley shakes her head even though Marek can’t actually see her. Doesn’t he know that’s how relationships work? They have to work on this whole honesty thing which means telling each other everything. At least, that’s how she thinks it works. Hmm. Now that she thinks about it, maybe she should ask Tara about that one the next time she sees her.

  Me: It’s no big deal. Besides, if she didn’t want me to know about it, she shouldn’t have left her laptop open to the website.

  * * *

  Marek: What’s it about?

  * * *

  Me: Do an internet search for “Confessions of a Call Center Girl”

  She waits for what seems like an eternity and with a huff tosses her phone onto the couch. Her delicious treat is long gone and she heads to the kitchen to toss her popsicle stick into the trash. As she starts to leave the kitchen, a sudden tightness stretches out across her belly and she grips the countertop. Tinley focuses on her breathing as a Braxton Hicks contraction intensifies and then slowly goes away. Her doctor told her it wasn’t unheard of to start getting these in her second trimester and while they aren’t painful, they tend to be a mild annoyance. And she’s always caught off guard when it happens almost taking her breath away. She’d much rather feel movement from her baby than these awful things.

  Changing direction, she grabs a glass and fills it with ice cold water. She takes a large gulp and helps her body relax again before heading back to the living room. Her phone dings with a message as she takes a seat back on the couch again.

  Marek: Wow, she doesn’t hold back, does she?

  * * *

  Me: Apparently not. I have no idea why she didn’t tell me about this and kept it a secret for so long. It’s kind of weird. We’ve always told each other everything in the past.

  * * *

  Marek: I don�
�t know, but you probably shouldn’t tell anyone else about it. If it got out, she could get in trouble at work.

  * * *

  Me: You’re not going to say anything are you?

  * * *

  Marek: I’m not her boss and she’s not my responsibility.

  * * *

  Marek: And I’d like to stay on your good side.

  * * *

  Me: I’d like you to stay there too.

  * * *

  Marek: I have to get back to work, sorry. I’m doing a double today.

  * * *

  Me: You work too much.

  She waits for a response, but when one doesn’t come, she tosses her phone to the side with a pout. If anything, she hopes that his busy schedule will calm down once she has the baby. Everyone else is so busy in their lives that it feels like all she ever does is spends time by herself. She continues reading through Dakota’s blog before placing the laptop back on the coffee table and deciding it’s nap time. Maybe someday soon her best friend will decide she trusts her enough to tell her about the blog. Until then, she’ll just keep the secret as well.

  Chapter Twelve

  The steam from her morning tea wafts up to her nose and Tinley releases an audible aah. She cut coffee and energy drinks out of her diet, but she couldn’t give up caffeine altogether. Surprisingly it hasn’t been as bad as she thought to switch to black tea. Especially after she tried a Royal English Breakfast Tea Latte from Starbuck’s. Heaven in a green and white cup is exactly what that is and she’s been starting every morning with the small indulgence. She’s eager to take a sip, but she knows to let her piping hot beverage sit for a few minutes before she even dares. Her impatience starts to get the best of her as she brings the cup up near her mouth. What’s a few burnt taste buds on the tip of her tongue for the deliciousness waiting for her?

  Before she can take a sip, her purse vibrates with a text message. Saved from herself and the mild pain that would have ensued. Setting her cup down on the table in front of her she roots around in her bag until she finds her phone and pulls it out. She’s pleasantly surprised to see a message from Marek waiting for her.

  Marek: I know this is super last minute, but the swing shift manager never showed up and I just got asked to go in and cover. Would you be able to watch Luna for me?

  Babysit his daughter? Just the idea of saying or doing something wrong and screwing up gives Tinley sweaty palms, but she can’t leave him high and dry. She wants to say no, but she needs to get to know Luna. If they’re going to make their relationship work, that means building one with his daughter as well. So, she sends him a quick response and hopes this won’t come back to bite her in the butt.

  Me: Of course I can. What time do you need me?

  * * *

  Marek: As soon as you can. The morning manager is waiting around until I can come in, and she was supposed to leave an hour ago.

  It’s only after she sends the text message that she remembers she, for the first time in her life, actually has plans for the day. For a moment she considers telling him that she can’t do it but feels awful at the idea of leaving him high and dry. She knows how much his job means to Marek and she doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. No matter how much she hates working at that damn place and can’t wait to get out of their herself.

  Me: I know this is going to sound weird, but it’s my sister’s baby shower today. Would you be opposed to me taking Luna there with me? I’ll understand if you say no.

  * * *

  Marek: That’s something that’s important to you and I trust you. I’ll put her car seat in your car when you get here.

  A car seat in her car? Of course she knows that has to happen, but the idea sounds crazy to her. She’s never had any child in her car before let alone a car seat. She chides herself for the sudden anxiety because, duh, she’s going to have her own baby here soon. And that’s how babies travel in cars. Damn this whole baby/kid thing is like a whole new world. Is she ready for that?

  Me: Okay. I’m already out and about, so I’ll be right over.

  * * *

  Marek: Thank you. I really appreciate it.

  Tinley doesn’t allow herself to get nervous, or feel anything, for that matter. She mentally gets in the zone and focuses on getting over to Marek’s house; she’ll worry about everything else later, or at least that’s what she tells herself as she continually tries to push to the back of her mind the fact that her sister has never even let her watch Livi alone and this will be the first time ever in her life that she has been left alone with a child before.

  When she parks her car in front of Marek’s house, she can’t help but think about the last time she was here and how much things have changed since then. They might not be one hundred percent perfect, but at least they’re heading in the right direction. She knocks on the door, and Marek answers almost instantly. His obvious shock is written all over his face and he says, “That was fast. I honestly didn’t expect you to be right over.”

  She gives him a once over and she has to admit he looks exhausted. His hair looks like he’s been running his fingers through it a few too many times and his normally wrinkle free button up shirt is rumpled. The dark circles under his eyes have her worried, but there are little giggles coming from the next room so at least she can tell Luna is affected by whatever is going on with Marek.

  “I told you I was already out doing stuff, and I wasn’t lying when I said I would be right over.” He motions for her to come in and as he’s shutting the door, she whispers, “Have you told Luna about this?” She waves her hand around her belly to emphasize the growing bump.

  Marek runs his hands through his hair and slightly tugs on the ends. “No, I haven’t said anything to her. I guess we should probably do that, huh?”

  Tinley nods her head and adds, “Yeah. I am kind of showing now. I don’t know if she’s observant enough to ask, but I want to be prepared if she is.”

  “Oh trust me, she notices everything.” He yells toward the other room, “Luna, I’d like you to meet a friend of Daddy’s.”

  The little girl comes running from somewhere else in the house and waves as she says, “Hi Tinley.”

  She’s shocked the little girl remembers her name and replies, “Hi Luna, it’s nice to see you again.”

  Luna does. Quick look over of Tinley’s appearance from head down to her toes and then back up again. “Ugg boots, leggings, and a Starbucks cup—you’re so basic. I bet that’s a pumpkin spice latte too, isn’t it?”

  Tinley chokes on her small sip of English breakfast tea latte and sputters. Who is this child and where did she come from? She opens her mouth to correct her but Marek pipes up first.

  “Luna, what have I told you about the attitude?”

  The little girl throws her arms in the air and then places her hands on her hips. “But Daddy, Auntie Giselle told me there are too many basic white girls in this country and I should never become one.”

  “And that’s why Auntie Giselle doesn’t get to babysit you anymore. Now apologize to Tinley for being rude.”

  “I’m sorry.” Her small voice comes out forced and she rolls her eyes before turning back to her dad with a fake smile plastered on her face. “Can I go watch Ponies now?”

  “In a minute you can. Right now, I have something I need to talk to you about.”

  She releases an over exaggerated sigh and throws her hands in the air and lets them fall back down slapping the fronts of her legs. “Okay.”

  Tinley has no idea if Marek wants her to say anything, so she keeps her mouth shut and lets him take the lead.

  He drops down to his knees so that he’s eye level with his daughter. “Remember how I told you that before you were born you lived in your mommy’s tummy?”

  Luna nods her head excitedly and says, “Yep. You told me that all babies come from their mommy’s tummies. Does Tinley have a baby in her tummy?”

  Guess Marek wasn’t kidding when he said that she was so obser
vant. Tinley watches as Luna’s focus zeroes in on her belly. She tilts her head to the side and starts to reach her hand out to touch it.

  “Yep. Tinley has a baby in her tummy and guess what.”

  “What?” she asks as her little head whips around and focuses on her father again.

  “The baby is going to be your new little brother or sister. How do you feel about that?”

  Luna starts jumping up and down laughing and screaming all at the same time. Over and over again she repeats, “I’m going to be a big sister.” She suddenly stops yelling and asks, “Can I go watch TV now?”

  Well, that was a rapid change. Almost enough to give Tinley whiplash.

  “Let me finish talking to Tinley and then I’ll help you in two minutes.”

  “I don’t need your help. I’ve got this.” Luna giggles then runs off toward the living room to watch her show.